I've Got This

I love babies.  I absolutely, positively LOVE them.  I want to watch them, to hold them, to look at their little features, fingers, toes. I loved my own.  To pieces.  If I was holding him, there was an unstoppable force that drew my lips to his head.  I had to smell him and kiss his face... I just had to.  Constantly.  That force is still strong.  Mostly if he's sleeping, because he has now developed an aversion to being kissed on the face by his mom all day. Puhleeze. There is something so incredibly natural about holding a baby to your body, about cradling it to your bosom.  It's really the absolute most natural act for almost any person.  Your breast (as a location, not anatomical objects) is where you breathe.  It's where you love.  It's where you experience the best and worst of life -- crushing love best, and crushing love worst. My friend just had a baby.  I spent most of her pregnancy with her, experiencing a...

I am walking around with tissue expanders.  They are, by far, the most unpleasant aspect of this entire process. I never imagined that something this hard could be inside someone's body.  The thing about the hard brown coconuts?  Yeah, that's about right.  I feel so sorry for my little boy sometimes, when he accidentally backs his head up into my chest.  I can't feel it on a cutaneous level, but I feel the force transmitted through the chest wall, and I'm amazed that he hasn't complained that I hurt his head. I chose to have the expanders.  I could have immediately gotten implants, but they would have had to be small.  I didn't have the skin or muscle stock required to become my ideal size.  I knew that they would be uncomfortable, but I really never imagined that they would be so intrusive. First of all, they feel weird.  They have valves to enable the expansion.  Every week or so, I would go to the plastic surgeon's office, and t...

If you have been reading this blog, you may have noticed that I keep mentioning this strange feeling of thoracic tightness.  Seriously, several times each day, I try to pull away the bra that is four sizes too small, to stretch it out or loosen it, only to find that THERE IS NOTHING THERE! The feeling of tightness is present one hundred percent of the time.  It never goes away.  The occasional stabbing pain is there. The deep zing is in my armpit, but just sometimes.  The skin and fascia at the inferior angles of my ribs are extremely sensitive, like hot spots.  The cutaneous nerves on my thorax are hypersensitive.  I can't sneeze without whimpering. Four weeks after my surgery, we went out of town and stayed at a lovely golf/beach resort.  I was looking forward to seeing two of my oldest girlfriends, and I noticed that there was a spa on the premisis.  Naturally, I booked a massage. Well, most of you know that I am a massage therapist. ...